Dear Younger Self…

Dear younger self,

You don’t actually know me, but I certainly know you. Someday you will know exactly who I am, but for now, you are focused on exactly where you are right now.

You are about 17 years old right now and you are living life day by day. You have no worry of tomorrow and no care for the future. This is the time in your life when most of your worries and fears are what you will wear the next day or whether or not the cute boy likes you or not. I wish I could shake you and tell you to enjoy the days and soak up every moment when things are not so bad. I know they feel like the end of the world to you right now, but it isn’t.

In about 3 years you are going to elope and marry the one man no one would ever want you to be with. You will be stubborn and hold as tight as you can to the trust you have in this man you love in spite of his faults. You will have the hardest first year of marriage imaginable, but hold on tight because there is so much beauty in the end! You will be carrying your sweet baby girl in your womb while trying to keep your marriage in one piece, but be still because God will carry you. You probably don’t believe a word I am saying right now because I know who you are at 17, but hold these words close to you if you can. Once you are in this marriage, in spite of the level of difficulties, God will move mountains! You will see Him work in your marriage, in your husband and in YOU in incredible ways! Have patience and trust your marriage to rest in HIS hands.

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You Are Seen, You are Heard, You are Known on Mother’s Day

I see you. 

I see your weariness and exhaustion as you face each day with a new-found energy you didn’t know you had in you.

You still laugh and find joy with your family in spite of your exhaustion.

I see you hiding in the bathroom with tears streaming down your face feeling an emptiness that you are sure will last forever.

You don’t give up and somehow are filled up again and again.

I see you longing for a moment to breathe where no-one needs you for a moment.

You serve your people so beautifully.

I see you reaching for a dream, but feeling a guilt of dreaming for more at all.

It’s okay to dream and reach for the stars with your best people by your side.

I see your desire to love yours endlessly, but the struggle when you feel you have nothing left to give.

You love your people to the best of your ability and are doing it well.

I hear you.

I hear your cries for rest and relaxation.

Find rest and take a deep breath.

I hear your hearts desire to be the perfect mom when perfection never existed in the first place.

Let go of perfection and grasp the fact that who you are right now is enough.

I hear the guilt you are carrying because you made one decision for yourself instead someone else.

Sometimes decisions we make for ourselves make you a better YOU!

I hear the lies you are believing that you are a bad mom and are un-appreciated.

Throw the lies out the window and know YOUR worth is great!

I hear the noise filling up your mind because your calendar is so busy.

It’s okay to say ‘no’ and see that enough is enough.

I know you.

I know your empty womb as you face a day like today longing to be a mother.

Let God hold you in that place.

I know even with children, but longing for more causes an unexplainable ache as well.

You are allowed to hurt too.

I know your grief as you remember those you have lost in your womb or those you have lost in your arms.

I am grieving with you.

I know your body postpartum when everything is so imbalanced and you feel like a terrible mother for feeling the way you do.

Give yourself some grace and know you are not alone in this season.

I know your broken heart as you face every day without your own mother.

Words can’t even express, but you are loved by many today.

God sees you.

God sees your weariness, your exhaustion, your tears, your dreams and your desires. He sees you and wants you to see HIM in your emptiness. Let him fill you up and rest in His arms.

God hears you. 

God hears the cries, the guilt, the lies and the noise. He hears you and wants YOU to hear His voice telling you that you are enough, you are cherished, loved and appreciated! You are not perfect and you will never be, but how amazing is it that a perfect God loves us in our imperfections. Your qualities are exactly what God intended for the people He has placed in your life.

God knows you. 

God knows your pain, grief and brokenness. He knows your every being and He created you fearfully and wonderfully. He wants you to know HIM and HIS desire for you as a mother, sister, friend, daughter as you grow in your relationship with yourself, with God and with the people HE put in your life to love deeply!

Being a mother is not easy, longing to be a mother is painful and being without a mother is agonizing.

Today is not always a celebratory day for everyone, but today I am celebrating ALL of you! No matter what season you are in on your journey, you are being appreciated for being exactly where you are!

Happy Mothers Day to the women that have children to hold, the women who long to hold their own and the women who wish they were being held.

 

 PIN IT FOR LATER

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the Path Leads to an Empty Womb

Remember that time you and I took a stroll down that stone path on that beautiful sunny day? Do you remember the stone we walked on? It was laid so strategically with so much thought and purpose. The path showed so clearly the hard work and dedication two hands had poured into it. I remember we talked about the beauty of the stone, but I was saddened by the many stones that were worn and starting to come out of the ground. But yet, the path still portrayed its purpose even though it was worn. Remember how I tried my hardest to avoid the worn stones so that I wouldn’t trip on them? The further we got on the path, the harder it was to avoid the stone. I remember telling you that we should have taken a different path, but you insisted that this was the right path for me to be on. Because this path was going to lead us straight to our destination even if it had its bumps and wear along the way. I trusted you even thought I questioned you at times.

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