“Hey! Are you with mom?”
“No, should I be?”
“She is having a CT scan right now and I don’t think she should be alone.”
It was my sister calling from out-of-town. I had known mom was not feeling well and was dealing with some pain, but I didn’t know she was having a CT scan. My mom never wanted anyone to worry and at that moment there was nothing for her to worry about.
I wish time would have stopped right in this moment before I got in my car and rushed to her side. The seconds before everything changed. I knew I needed to be with her and I knew that she should not be alone. God knew what the hours ahead were going to look like, but I had no idea.
“God please get me to her safely before she gets any results. Please, she cannot be alone.”
I repeated this prayer over and over again as I rushed downtown to find her. I knew today was not going to be a normal day anymore.
I arrived to my destination and the moment I walked off the elevator she was just finishing her CT scan and was sitting down to wait for the call about results.
“Thank you God!”
We had a nice time waiting together and we had lots of good conversation. This is another moment I wish it was possible to pick up the remote and hit pause. We had no worry or fear, we talked with no question about tomorrow and everything was quiet. I look back at that moment now and see it was a gift.
All of a sudden, I blinked. Why did I blink?! In a matter of seconds there was worry, fear, questioning and the peace was gone. I was hearing a word no-one wants to hear. A word that a lot of us know well, unfortunately.
I made the most difficult phone calls of my life while watching my mom being escorted to the hospital floor. With shaking hands, I dialed my dads number to tell him to come home from his business trip and I called my sister asking her to come home as well. Never did I think when I woke up that morning that God wrote cancer into my family’s story.
My mom and I sat in triage for 6 hours until my dad completed his long drive home to us. My sister unfortunately was stuck and couldn’t arrive until the next morning. During the time waiting in triage it felt like mom and I were sitting in this large tornado. Everyone was spinning around us, saying all these terms we didn’t understand and we just sat there trying to grasp anything. My family got completely blind sided that day and no-one could have prepared us for the days ahead.
6 weeks of mom fighting a battle with the most beautiful kind of strength.
6 weeks of extended family creating a safe haven for us every single day.
6 weeks of watching mom share the gospel through every word she spoke.
6 weeks of watching moms body become weaker, but stronger in the Lord.
6 weeks of conversations I will hold dear to my heart forever.
6 weeks of sleepless nights, but extra moments with mom.
6 weeks of questioning and worrying, but trusting and knowing a faithful God.
Within 6 weeks of diagnosis, ovarian cancer took my mom from this earth to eternity. This is the story God wrote for our family. I don’t always like it, but I am thankful for the beautiful moments we had together not only throughout my life, but just in those 6 weeks. My mom fought and had no fear of dying because she knew what was next after here.
I never once saw her complain and she showed nothing but grace every single moment for those weeks. She portrayed the most beautiful picture of what kindness is. She loved well, but during that time I saw her love deeper than I ever had before.
Sometimes I think about what I would have been like if I laid in that hospital bed instead.
Would I have resented those around me instead of loving them?
Would I have felt sorry for myself?
Would I have longed for Heaven or would I have feared the thought of dying?
Am I strong enough to lay in a hospital bed and trust God implicitly? Are you?
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